Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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