He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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