i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
