So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
