I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
