In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
