Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
