Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
