I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
