I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
