May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize