i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
