Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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