so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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