I just pynch a tree in the face
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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