FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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