You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
