so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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