My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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