Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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