if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
