I cockslap morals
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
