Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
