its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
