Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
