i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
