Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
FUCK WHALES
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
