I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just want to make out with him forever
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
