Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
