physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
