How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
