My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
