i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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