I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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