I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
