if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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