Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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