i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I AM VODKA MAN
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
