It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
