No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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