my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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