There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize