It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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