please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
