You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
