I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
