I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize