trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
