I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
