I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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