WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
