OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
