Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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