Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
