i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
