his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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