i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
