i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
don't judge my taste in strippers
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
