Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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