All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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