My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
