i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
only if we run a train.
done.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
