hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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