Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
