omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
