hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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